you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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