i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize