whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Im part way to drunk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
