i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
