it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize