I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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