someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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