About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
