thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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