how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
