Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
