It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
