We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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