So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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