And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
