Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
