I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize