My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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