And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
