i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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