I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
