suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
