I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
