a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
