Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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