sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
