Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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