i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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