i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
