I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
