It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
