Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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