So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
