If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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