You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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