I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
