she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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