Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
