I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
