The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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