I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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