When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize