I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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