were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
