This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I have fence marks all over my body
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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