don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
