also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize