She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
