is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
