I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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