Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
