Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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