i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
