atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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