According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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