i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
