I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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