I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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