Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
