I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
