I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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