So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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