I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We are all done wearing pants today
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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