look no pants
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So much Jack, so little girl.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
