Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize