dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I need moral support for this bender
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
