im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
