I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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