My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
