I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
