Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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