what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
