If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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