If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
