after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
