My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
