what day is it and did you see me today?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I still have a little drunk in my system
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
