i would punch a child for taco bell
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
