i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
