i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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