So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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