im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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