well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
