Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
