Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What a dumb baby whore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
