If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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