PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
What did we do last night that was yellow?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
