Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
