Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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