Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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