New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
