Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
worst night to have a conscience
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
