God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
