My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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