You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
