Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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