You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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