When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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