if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
