I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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