Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
