I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
