In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
