Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
