Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
