Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize