So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
