i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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