the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
