I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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