New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
