I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
