I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All the doctor said was why
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
